Sa kalagitnaAn ng gera !
pedro: sumuko na kyo! wla rn kau mapa2la.
terorista: su2ko lng kmi kung mai-spel mo ung ceasefire ?
pedro: ituloy ang laban! patay kung patay! Pada2lhan ko kau ng crysanthemum sa inyong lbing!
terorista: spEl crysanthemum?
pedro: sv ko rose, bingi b? Labn kung labn..wlang spelingan . . Hahaha. .
 

Anak umuwi ng bahay.(gaLit) anak: nay, pinptwag kau sa skul!
nay: bakit? my ginwa kn namang katarntaduhan?
anak: ako ba? baka ikaw, ikw nga pinapatawag db?

 

Sequel to A Love Story
It was jazz an ordinary day. The skies were clear, the birds were chipping. Ang ganda-ganda ng araw!
Nasa SM ako noon at katatapos ko lang mamili ng groceries. Timing naman nasa foodcore si Angel Locsin, nagpro-provoke ng movie nya. Grabe, andaming fans, pull-packed talaga! Dahil fans nya rin ako, nakipila rin ako. Then suddenly, out of the loo, may bumulong sa akin ng: “Indaaaayyyy……” Huh? It sounded like a familiar sound. Who can it be now? “Dodong!” sigaw ko. Napalakas yata voice ko. Kasi the other fans turned their backs to their behind at napatingin sa amin. Sabi ko “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be loud and proud.” Hinawakan na lang ni Dodong ang kamay ko at lumayo kami from the crowd. “Kamusta na Inday? Do you come here open? tanong nya. “Bihira lang, Dodong. I’m just droppings by. Ethnic and schedule ko eh” sabi ko. Memories came flushing in my mind. How can I forget to remember Dodong? Siya na may mata ni Piolo, dimple ni Aga, at bigote ni Rex Cortez. he’s every woman’s dreamboat. I was just starting my tour of duty kay ate noon nang unang makilala ko si Dodong. Contraction worker siya sa ginagawang bahay sa tapat namin. Naging kami for a while then after that were not an item anymore. “Tanghali na Inday. What did you say we have lunch together?” tanong ni Dodong. “I don’t mine” sagot ko. Sa restaurant, nilapitan kaagad kami ng waiter. “What’s your odor sir?” Sabi nung waiter kay Dodong. “Do you have porkshop?” tanong ni Dodong. “Yes sir” sabi nito. “Our porkshop with a resistance to the teeth of Boast of our chef. Domestic careful selection of pork with little fat of Female liking is used. The exquisite cooking which repeated trial and error and Was completed. it also has healthy vegetables with salad feeling fully” Dagdag niya. “And you mam?” sabay tingin naman sa akin. Hmmm… mukhang masarap yung porkshop. Pero I’m cutting down on my carbon kaya pinigilan ko. “I’ll just have water, thanks. Liquidate diet ako eh.” sagot ko. Pagkatapos kumain, nagyaya si Dodong manood ng sine. Teka teka, this is going too far. Besides, it’s a long, long way to run. “Reality chess, Dodong. May asawa na ako, si Jay. As a mother of fact, I’m happily married” pagmamalaki ko. “Di na pwede yung tulad ng dati. Sorry pero I didn’t expect you still have more feelings than I expected. i don’t want you getting the way. Past is fast. Therefore, cause and defect.” dagdag ko pa. Tumahimik sya. Parang may language barrel na namagitan sa amin. The Seconds that passed seemed like fraternity. Di nagla-on, nagsalita na rin sya. “I don’t care less!” sigaw ni Dodong. Shocks, give me a brake! The nerd ng taong ito para sigawan ako! To Think it’s his other woman that caused our separation to part. Kinabahan na ako. I felt speedbumps all over my body and was having Panic attach. Tinalikuran ko siya at nagmadali akong lumakad palayo. Pero Sumunod pa rin siya like a monkey on my butt. Hanggang sa makakita ako ng Security guard. Biglang nawala si Dodong. “Excuse me kuya, pwedeng magtanong?” sabi ko sa mamang guard. “Of course miss, I can help you with my pleasure.” sagot niya. “Saan po ba ang exit? Could you point me to the right erection? I got Lost in my eyes.” “Diretso lang.” sabi niya. “Then turn right anytime with care.” “Thanks for your corporation” sabi ko. Buti na lang nandun si kuya. Pero saglit lang, I smell something peachy. As I turned, nakita ko na namang nakasunod si Dodong! Delaying static lang pala kanina ang pag disappear nya. “Nyahahaha! You can run but you can hide, Inday. No matter where you go, there you are!” pananakot nya.
Oh no, is this the end? This is too much, I feel degradable. My world started falling afar. Then suddenly, Jay come from behind! Dodong was caught to the act! In the matter of minute, it’s all over. I’m out of arm’s way. “Thanks Jay, my love. But how did you?” bago pa man ako matapos, sabi niya: “I was in the neighborhood. Fans din ako ni Angel eh. I heard you shout But at first I didn’t give it a thought. Pero nang makita ko kayong magkahawak ng holding hands, then i give it a thought. I know something is a missed.” From then on, Dodong did not brother me again. In fact, he didn’t even sister me. As in platonic at wala na talaga. Pero kami ni Jay, heto, shoot sailing pa rin ang relationship. Lalo pa ngayon, open na kami sa isa’t-isa at walang exhibitions. I feel I’m on cloud.
WIFE: Hon, paki fix naman ilaw sa labas.
HUSBAND: Hello!? Electrician ba ako?
WIFE: Eh di pakigawa na lang hagdan natin.
HUSBAND: Hello!? Karpintero ba ako?
(Umalis si Husband, pagbalik gawa na lahat ng sira sa bahay. Tinanong niya wife niya kung sino gumawa ng trabaho.)
WIFE: Kasi kanina, a man saw me crying, sabi ko daming sira dito sa
bahay. So he offered to help in exchange of either sex or bake ako ng
cake.
HUSBAND: So pinag-bake mo siya ng cake?
WIFE: Hello?! Baker ba ako?

(Sa isang Radio station)

Host: Ilang taon na kayo lolo? Mananawagan ba kayo?

Lolo: Opo, 98 na po.

Host: Wow tanda nyo na po pala, sige po manawagan na kayo.

Lolo: Kuya, umuwi ka na. Di na raw galit si Daddy sayo.

 

 

KRIS: Nay, nay, tingnan nyo po ang drawing ko oh!
NANAY: Wow!! Ang galing namang mag-drawing ng MONKEY ng bunso ko!
KRIS: Nay, kayo po yan!

 

 
JUAN: Away kami ni misis kagabi, nagdilim paningin ko!
PEDRO: Sinaktan mo?
JUAN: Sinakal ako, NAGDILIM PANINGIN KO, nawalan ako ng malay!

 

JUAN: Tay, ang CORRESPONDENCE po ba ay dalawang R?
TATAY: Gawin mo ng tatlo anak, para sigurado!
JUAN:Galing nyo talaga tay, sigurista!

 

JUAN: Dok, sobra lungkot dto s mental kaya sinulatan ko ang sarili
ko!
DOCTOR: Eh ano nman sinabi mo?
JUAN:Ewan ko,next week ko p matatanggap eh!

 

TATAY: Bakit BAGSAK ka sa exam?
JUAN:Dahil po sa pag-absent tay!
TATAY:Absent ka nung itinuro?
JUAN:Hindi po! Absent yung KATABI ko nung exam!

 

JUAN: Nay,muntik n ko mg Top 1 s klase!
NANAY: Tlaga nak?Bat muntik lng?
JUAN: Inannounce po ung Top 1 s klase,tinuro ni Maam ung ktabi
ko.Sayang!

 

MARIA:Lagot ginabi ako! Ano sasabihin ko ke itay?
PEDRO: Unahan mo:’Bkit ngayon lng ako umuwi ha? San ako galing?
Sobra na ko! Pasok sa kuwarto!’

 

AMA: Hoy Brando! Huwag kang babakla-bakla ha!
ANAK: Di po itay. Punta nga ako sa basketball court ngayon.
AMA: Yan, astig!
ANAK: Mama, nakita mo pompoms ko?